Sunday, February 14, 2016

My "love life"

Before beginning, I would like to forewarn you that this is a very long and ramble-y post, and because of my strong feelings on some subject even gets a bit rant-y or defensive at times.  However it was all written in fun and is meant to be taken so. :)  The reason for writing it was not spurred on by anything other than the fact that it's the first of posts I may do about random topics that I tend to go on tangents about.  If you actually enjoy it, please let me know, because otherwise I probably won't be doing more of that type.

"I have very little intention of ever marrying at all.  Someone very superior would have to come along; and even then I would rather not be tempted." 
Emma (this is from the 2009 movie, and not an exact book quote, but it's close) echos some of my own sentiments there.  She goes on to say "If I were in love, it would be a different thing; but then I have never been in love. It is not my way or my nature; and I do not think I ever shall." 

There we differ.  Well, I have never been in love, and I do rather doubt that I ever shall be; those parts are true.  But I do believe it is in my nature, and very much so.  The thing is, I am very careful in guarding that.  If I am ever in love with someone, I know for a fact that it's going to be a majorly huge thing.  I'm saving that for someone who can appreciate and return it-- and if that person never comes along, well, so be it.  I have other uses for the love I have to give.  (People will say things like, when you love someone you don't start loving other people less, and blah blah-- while that may be true, one only has a finate amount of time, and time is very strongly connected with showing love, much as that is sometimes hard to face.)

Far From the Madding Crowd

Anyway, in this way I am much more like Marianne.  "The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love."  (Yes, of course I find that Jane Austen heroine quotes hit home remarkably well. ;)) And it is not ONLY that I require so much (which... I do...) but that there is a shocking lack of gentlemen in the world today, and all the guys I've seen have hit very sadly below the mark of what would even be acceptable to me.

I don't mean that to sound hoity-toity or like I think I'm perfect (because I'm not), but... well, most of the guys my age that I've met are either doofuses or jerks, or somewhere in-between.  Honestly, I have not the highest opinion of men, based on my experiences and observations.  "What nasty beasts these men are!" :P  A superior example of manhood I have not yet met with.  

Now, if I WERE to meet one, I would very happily change my tune and concede that there IS such a thing in the world.  However, I would still maintain that most of the OTHER guys are either doofuses or jerks. :P  (But when it came to that, I don't think I would deserve such a fine being.)

I'm talking about our generation, by the way.  For instance, this rant is in no way meant to reflect on my father.  A younger clone of him is still not the type of person I would choose, but I have a very high respect for him and he is one of the most honorable men I know.  The same goes for my brother, and for several other men I know or know of.  (But... well, only a handful.)

Some people will tell me I have unrealistic expectations; but that is entirely untrue.  I don't have unrealistic expectations, because I don't have expectations of any sort.  I have a high standard, and if you want to call it unrealistic, that's your business.  I might agree with you, after knowing your definition of "unrealistic".  But I don't care.  Marriage is not my goal in life.  I will never settle for anyone who doesn't completely wipe away all the concerns that make me hesitate to even want a marriage.  He would be someone that I would find hard to believe even exists.  And that being so, I would also make sure to know him a good long time (here is the difference between Marianne and myself!) to confirm within myself (and with those close to me--this is important!) that I am not at all mistaken, or that he is not misrepresenting himself. 

Marriage is an EXTREMELY important, life-changing decision.  I have seen so much pain and heartbreak around me because of it.  There are some good guys in the world still, I will grant you that.  But there are also a lot more scoundrels than there used to be. I don't mean to sound all doom and gloom, but there is a lot of filth out there and they seem largely influenced by it.

And then there's a certain lack of respect for those of us who act like ladies and wish to be treated thus.  Women have striven for equality but sometimes I think that in some of that they've lost a little bit of respect.  I don't want men to respect me as an equal; I want them to respect me as a lady, who is not less capable or not as smart as them, but who has her own strengths and weaknesses and is of equal worth. least equal worth. :P

Ahem, I am straying from the Actual Topic at Hand.  Moving forward. 

The topic at hand is, of course, my love life. Or rather, the lack thereof.  But you all have expressed interest in knowing more about me personally, and hearing random ramblings and rants, so this is one of those.  I admit I am often curious when reading someone's blog whom I don't know very well, whether they have any romantic interests.  Can't help it. So, for any of you who are as silly as I am: this post is for you. ;)

That I have never been in love, I have already told you.  To add to that, nobody has ever been in love with me.  I know this for a fact because nobody has known me well enough to make it possible.  I did have a boy's sister once tell me that he'd said he loved me (and whether or not she is right, one cannot be certain)... and a different one asked me to be his girlfriend.  (I said no, but we remained friends for some time.)  He also brought me a rose on my birthday.  All of these instances occurred when I was nine or ten.  I suppose I must have been quite a catch back then. :P

But since I have actually been "old enough" for a relationship... nothing.  Nothing whatsoever.  Both of my older sisters had had beaus by the time they were my age.  But then, they were eager for that to happen, and I never have been.  Whether that makes a different or not, I can hardly tell, because to my knowledge nobody has even come near to expressing interest in me.  And the only boys who have tried to flirt with me have pretty much been creeps.  And that's only like one. Or two. I'm good at chasing them off, apparently, because they didn't get far.

I, however, am completely fine with this.  Yes, I do sometimes wonder if any guys ever think I'm attractive, and I would feel flattered to know that someone admired me.  (As a person, you know. Not as an object. :P)  And although I can imagine that having a boyfriend/fiance/husband COULD be very pleasant, that is... just my imagining how I would like it to be, and not based on anything in real life.

When I was sixteen-going-on-seventeen, instead of dancing about in gazebos and wanting boys to kiss me, I had a very thorough self-examination and faced the fact that it was very probable I would never meet my other half, my soul mate, and all that rot.  And I realized that there are a lot of things about marriage that I do not want, so I certainly wouldn't be willing to make any compromises.

Some girls, upon realizing this, might flop on their bed and cry.  Although I mean no offense to anybody who has actually done this in despair of possibly never marrying, that was not at all my reaction.  I sort of decided to settle right in and got comfortable with the notion.  I thought of all the things I could do if I never marry, all the reasons why being single can be better in some ways, and that I was not one of those girls who felt like she needed a husband (and children) to complete her.

Since that time I started looking with a narrow eye at anyone who IS like that, and that's something I've struggled with in the past few years.  I hope that lately I have become more accepting of those who do not feel exactly the same strong ways as I do about these things, and that God makes some people to want marriage more than others.  (I identify a lot with Paul in I Corinthians 7:7, haha.) For all I know, God made me to not feel like I need it for some very specific purpose.  (And to back up that thought... I Cor 7: 32-34, 37-38. Can you tell this is a favorite passage of mine. :P)

So anyway... while I have tried hard to respect those who want to marry (and I hope have at least mostly succeeded), people thinking marriage is the be-all, end-all, Goal in Life is and always will be a pet peeve of mine.

It's not.  There's so much else to do!  Even if you are going to get married someday, I believe ever season of your life should be cherished.  You will never again have the same freedoms that you do now.  There is something good in your life that you will not have later, no matter where your paths may take you.  I'm a big planner, and I tend to have a lot of ambition for things, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that; but I do think it's better for a person to let themselves live in the moment.  To enjoy what is the here and now, and make the most of it.  You want this year to be spent in a way that will make you look back at it next year and smile.

Oh, look, I'm back on a rabbit trail.

In short, I agree with Lizzy in P&P95.  Lest this post make you think I am not a romantic person, I am in some ways.  A lot of ways, in fact.  I am in no way anti-romance... I mean, duh. You all know that.  During that coming-to-grips-with-reality time I mentioned earlier, do you know what I was reading?  Jane Eyre.  And I got to the end and I was just totally blown away by the love of that fictional couple.  Mr. Rochester is by no means anyone I would want to marry, but how it described their marriage... I thought to myself, if I get married, it has to be at least as good as that.  If that cannot be, I would be much happier not having one.

I believe there are many different kinds of love.  And I think a lot of (happily) married people, are not at all what I would call 'soul mates'.  They do have something special, something no other couple could ever have.  And to be the affectionate wife of a man you can like and respect and, in the way that is unique to you, love; to have a house of your own and children, is enough to make some people perfectly content, and WAY happier than being single.  But it's just not like that in my case. For me... it's kind of all or nothing.

I would like to add that very shortly after that time in my life was when I was starting to get to know Amy, and I was so delighted to find such a kindred spirit.  The timing, I think, was not a coincidence.  She was like my other half, but in a close-female-friendship kind of way.  And I learned that there is a different kind of affectionate devotion, totally different from that of a romantic nature, that two girls can share with each other, which is like having a very close sister, but even better because you chose each other.  I learned that there are other things that seem to be "meant to be" than falling in love with someone.  Just because you're not married or don't have that sort of relationship with somebody, doesn't mean that you are alone or that you have to be lonely.

I am of the opinion that it is not quite the same way for guys, though.  I really wish it were, for their sake.  But I have not observed them capable (in at least 999 of 1000 cases) of the same sort of close friendship with each other as women are.  Their actual emotional attachment does seem to be restricted to romantic love, and of course some familial bonds like fatherhood.  But men need women.  It's kind of a fact of life.  Even if some of them deny it.  However, there are other fish in the sea for them, haha.  I will never be somebody's wife because he needs one.

And that is why it would take a Very Special Gentleman Indeed for me to change my situation in life. ;)

So please, join me in not wallowing in sadness this Valentine's Day because you don't have a valentine.  Tomorrow is CHOCOLATE DAY, which is way better than Black Friday.  (That is to say, V-DAY CANDY SALES!!!!)  


Anonymous said...

Haha, oh, I loved this post, Melody. :) I'm so glad you put it up again. (I saw it disappear before I could read it and was rather disappointed. :P) I would greatly like to read another like it!
I admit, I am more of the type that feels as though marriage and raising a family is something I really hope will happen. But I think it is a wise choice to be prepared if that is NOT what God has in store for me.
And I've also noticed how guys don't tend to have super close friendships with each other, like girls do. I've had quite a lot of experience with guys (not that I am of a 'marriageable age' -ha! perish the thought- but because I have an older brother, and I have always grown up among lots of his friends and their funny habits and quirkiness. I still don't completely understand them though. ;)
I actually had never thought about it that way - how it's not just marriage that is 'meant to be' and that is timed perfectly. Friendships, and other things can be too.
One other thing - I tend to be a 'people watcher'. I find all people fascinating, and there are lots of things I've noticed about people. I used to think all boys were nice, and fun, like Laurie Laurence (I'm meaning when I was about 10) but then I realized that MOST boys are the OPPOSITE. However, I have met many boys, and sometimes I think about them afterwards, and it reminds me that there ARE some amazingly gentlemanly, respectable and kind guys out there. They are rather few and far between the rest of the world, but when you find them, it reminds you that there are still proper, God-honouring gentlemen in this world. :)
~Miss Meg

Anonymous said...

Bit of a different sort of post coming from you! :) Just some random comments and observations: You said you don't really approve of guys your age - I definitely agree with you there. I'm a bit older than you and I find most guys my age pretty immature (even Christian ones!) with the odd exception. However guys 5 or so years older than me are often quite mature :)
You mentioned how your sisters were dating at your age and you weren't and whether that had to do with the fact you didn't want t0 - it probably did. I've heard that guys are very attuned to when a girl is sending "not interested" vibes. Also, it wasn't in God's plan for you to have a boyfriend at that time!
I've learnt NOT to look for the "perfect" guy who measures up to everything - part of love and growth in a relationship is compromise - learning to accept the other persons's faults etc. Obviously don't compromise on major doctrine etc but some things I thought I could NEVER accept once, I realise now are not as important compared to whether the person is a Christian and loves and serves God. You can't grow in a relationship without getting over differences.
A really really helpful quote from my pastor was that marriage is NOT the pinnacle of life. It's generally talked up as being that but really, a life serving God whether that's in marriage or not is the greatest thing.
Finally, you sound really definite (and a bit defensive) about never marrying - my advice (and yeah I'm single so take it with a grain of salt if you like :D) is never say never. Don't think that you'll never find the right guy etc because I've learnt that God works in incredible ways and if He chooses to bring along someone, He will surmount all obstacles. Alternatively, do a Paul and make sure your single life counts :D
Huge comment so I do apologise but I've given this topic a lot of thought over the past year or so.
- The Elf xo

Katie Hanna said...

Very thought-provoking post, Melody! I hope you do find your "soul mate" someday--although, like you said, maybe you're just not called to marriage, either . . . Which is cool, too. God has all different kinds of jobs for different kinds of people :-)

I've always pretty much 100% certain that God HAS called me to marriage--so, for the same reason, I'm not at all worried about whether I'll find somebody. I know I will. Maybe soon, maybe not--but I know it'll happen.

I like the P&P quote you used :-) Although I don't know as I feel precisely the same as Lizzy . . . Like I said, I KNOW I'm going to get married, so I just feel like I'll be able to recognize the right guy when I find him. Whereas Lizzy wasn't sure if she would ever find a guy at all, so that's why she said that . . . (But she did, of course.)

Miss March said...

Aww, Melody. I don't know the boys you know so of course I'm not speaking for them specifically, but don't write all boys off. Most may be jerks, as you say, but I think that is true of people in general and not confined solely to the young males of this generation. (After all, I hardly think we women can claim to have the monopoly on virtue.) I truly believe there are more good men out there than you think...albeit they are rather hard to find, perhaps. (Haha!) Speaking from my own experience, I have four brothers over the age of sixteen and though I may be a little biased in saying it, they are truly as good and kind hearted as any hero one finds in a book. (Unless we're talking utterly perfect heroes, who aren't realistic anyway. ;))

So, yeah...all that to say...I do think it's a very good thing that you're happy being single. We should always be thankful for where we're at in life, and serve God to the best of our abilities wherever we are. "Just because you're not married or don't have that sort of relationship with somebody, doesn't mean that you are alone or that you have to be lonely." Very true. Well said.

You're right, too, we should not wallow in sadness simply because we don't have a boyfriend. (Though, I admit, I do sometimes have a little cry over it...;)) It's not a boyfriend that's going to make us happy. Only God can do that. And marriage, like you said, is an EXTREMELY important decision which should not be entered into lightly. It is certainly NOT the end all. Though at the same time, I must say, it is NOT by any means wrong to want to get married. People are always saying that there are so many things you can do when you're single, as if those things are the important things which you give up when you get married. But it works both ways. There are many things you can do when you're married that you can't do when you're single, and those things are important, too. For example, raising the next generation to love God and obey His word; showing this crazy mixed up world what a REAL family looks like; learning--seriously learning, probably better than you will learn it anywhere else--how to die to yourself and put another human being first. In short, wherever you're at in life--whether single, married, or widowed--if you're serving God and doing His will then you're on the right track.

By the by, I've never been asked out on a date, either. Nor has any man ever expressed interest in me. I would like that to happen sometime, but I agree with Lizzy, "only the very deepest love will induce me into matrimony." I don't want to be married that desperately that I would risk being unhappy forever. (Hmmm...that kind of turned into an Emma quote. ;))

Just so you know, I really enjoyed reading this, so as far as I'm concerned you may write as many of these type posts as you like. :) It's fun to read about other people's lives and their perspectives on things. Sorry for being so long-winded. And I do hope I didn't come across as know-it-all or anything. :/

~Miss March

Natalie said...

Thanks so much for putting this back up, Melody! Although I don't relate or agree with you on ALL your points, I did find your post very interesting and good!

First off, I am definitely one of those girls who dream of being married one day and having children. I've always wanted that over any career (even though I have a few dreams in that regard too!). HOWEVER, I completely agree that marriage is not always for everyone-and if not, that's perfectly fine. Sometimes I do remind myself that all of my future is in God's hands. If He wants me to get married, then I will. And, if he doesn't...well, then I'm sure He'll help me be content without marriage and children. :)

Quite honestly, there are some days with the "spinster life"-with my own little house, some cats, tons of books, etc.- doesn't sound all that bad. ;)

And I totally get what you mean by how there are not many godly guys out there. Even the ones who claim to be Christian are not always the kind of guy I'd want to marry! But, as my mom pointed out, even if guys are stupid or Not Very Gentleman-ly NOW....doesn't mean they will always be that way. If they are truly following the Lord, then they will be continually growing in their devotion to Jesus. So, even if there was a 20-year-old guy I wouldn't EVER think of marrying, that doesn't necessarily mean I'd think the same thing when he's 30. Hope that makes sense. :/

I completely agree with you on your high standards. I would NEVER marry someone just because I want to be married. "Settling" in who you marry is probably one of the worst things you could do, relationship-wise.

I also agree with that we should certainly learn contentment in ALL seasons of our life. I read once somewhere that we shouldn't always be thinking in terms of "waiting" for our Prince Charming. He may never come. So, all that time spent "waiting" could have been used doing more productive things that honor God and make us happy!

I do have one question for you. How would you define "soul mate?" For me, I would think of it in terms of the person who best understands me and loves me...and vice versa. Not that they are ALWAYS going to understand me, and certainly not that we would never disagree or have misunderstandings, but that were were literally "best friends." I do not in the least think that a soul mate would mean my literal "other half" and thus would never have any sort of conflict with him!

Well, this comment is already waaay longer than I first envisioned, so I'll wrap it up. ;) Thank you for re-posting this!

Melody said...

Such lovely long comments!

Miss Meg,
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thank you for your feedback! I certainly don't look down on anyone who hopes for marriage and a family... and it's not that I don't hope at all for that. It's just that I have a lot of hopes and that's only one of them. ;)
I have had far more experience with boys than with men, and when I speak of guys I generally mean those in their late teens or older.
I tend to be a people watcher too! And it is indeed always refreshing to see that there are a few gentlemen out there. Still, I have never met one that, to my knowledge, would share even my standards and convictions, who at the same time I would actually like well and get along with. With a lot of guys, the more I learn of them (as individuals) the more they annoy me. It is the sad truth. But as I said... I would be happy for an exception or two. ;)

The Elf,
Yes, rather different indeed, for this blog. ;) Which is why I'm trying to get feedback, haha.
And that's another thing! I feel like guys are continually getting more immature. Women are too, but I feel like many of them end up stepping forward and taking the More Grown Up role in a relationship because the guy just Isn't. :P Sigh.
Ha, unfortunately, I am afraid that I might seem like I'm sending vibes when I'm really not feeling that way... it's like I just sort of go into on-my-guard mode around guys. This wouldn't be such a bad thing, except that I wouldn't like it to prevent friendships, which I have no aversion to.
I do agree with you there to some extent... and I am not looking for the perfect guy either. I'm simply not looking for a guy at all. ;) And there would be no such thing as a perfect one, but I do believe that, if it was meant to be, he would be perfect for me, and vice versa. That in our differences we would complement each other, and there will never be a pair of people who don't have some differences to work through! There just needs to not be TOO many... and it needs to be worth it. Which is one of the reasons relationships need a lot of time before making big decisions. Many of these things don't come out until there has been a lot of opening up. Rabbit trail again!
Believe me, in my heart I am not determined against marriage. I am simply determined against feeling that I am missing out, should it not happen. In meeting Amy I have first-hand proof that the Lord can bring someone in your life who 'clicks' with you in a way that you never even thought possible... and if it's His will that I will meet someone... well, as we are all individuals I do believe that He's put different desires into each heart, and in mine there certainly is a desire for a strong and lasting relationship with the right gentleman; but only on the condition that it feels completely and totally right. So I think that if it's His plan for me to marry, there will be such a man who will come into my life at just the right time. But I've also felt, for various reasons, that perhaps I am just not cut out to be somebody's wife. I guess the defensive part comes in because I want everyone to be okay with that, haha. So I tend to over-express myself sometimes. ;)
Thank you for your thoughts!

Melody said...

Jessica Prescott,
Well, that's good. I think the key is to not be worried about it and know that God is in control. Whether that means you feel like you will or won't get married, it's being at peace with your life and that is as it should be! But don't forget that it may not be God's intention for you to marry the first person you have a relationship with. ;)

Miss March,
Okay, okay. I didn't write them all off. Just the larger percentage. ;) And I do agree, there are some awful young women too! There always have been. But... at the risk of sounding sexist... from what I have collected in observation of real life and other people's histories, I think the Rakish Male is a lot more common. It seems that some girls are trying hard to catch up and be just as dirty as they are, but on the whole... well. I don't want to venture into that topic too much, but it seems the influence temptations of the modern day have almost completely overtaken a lot of men's honor. And pretty much any possibility of innocence and purity of thought. There are certain things they struggle with more than we do, and although it may not be precisely their own fault (although I do think they are responsible for their thoughts and especially their behavior-- just because they need to work harder doesn't mean they should give in), that does not make me any the more comfortable with it.

But I am glad you have four brothers who are comforts to you! I guess something I failed to express is that, while I know there are some good and God-honoring men out there, I know that I am very... unique. And I am more easily bothered by some things that seem popular with men than many women, so even if someone is 'good', it doesn't mean that we would get on all that well. ;)

(There is no such thing as an utterly perfect hero... as everyone has a different idea of perfection!)

You are right! I don't mean to belittle the options that are open to married ladies at all. Again, I think this is overcompensation. Most of the population (especially in conservative circles) seem to think that if you're married you're automatically more important... or as if you have finally attained what you were born to do. And the girls who buy into that tend to waste their years as unattached young ladies by 'waiting' for their prince charming to come so their life can start! And I do think there are many, many things that should not be off-limits to do whether you are married or single. For instance, whether I marry or not, I have considered being a foster parent. This would be easier in some ways if I was married, and had a male partner in the endeavor to provide the support that only he could give... but on the other hand, if I wasn't married I would have more time and thought to devote to the child(ren). If God calls you to do something I think He intends for you to do it whether or not you marry. :)

Thank you for your feedback! Don't apologize for long comments, I love them! And you certainly didn't come across that way. ;)

Melody said...

When I was younger, I always thought I’d have a career for a while, and then get married, perhaps then be part time career and part time homemaker, and then be full-time homemaker/mom/teacher/etc. ;) I've certainly never viewed it as having to choose one over the other...people say that life is short, but in truth, one has enough years that one doesn't have to do exactly the same thing all their days!

And yes, many parts of the spinster life appeal to me too! I also dream of getting a "cottage" with Amy and being spinsterly sisters together with our tea and cats and period drama marathons. :) Sometimes when I really think about it I get a little thrill of excitement over all the possibilities the future has to offer, and all of them prospectively fulfilling in a different way.

There are some nice and Christian guys who just are not the type of gentleman that I would go for. In fact, there are many that are that way. At my church I often here it said that men should strive to be real men and women should strive to be ladies, and I'm just kind of like... ahem. If we are to be ladies, shouldn't you be gentlemen? ;) Because of the influences on the modern world it seems like many conservatives have a rather twisted view of what constitutes being manly or masculine... and as for me, I do not want to be married to Macho Man. I would have absolutely nothing in common with him! So, it takes a lot for anyone to even seem at all POSSIBLY someone I could be with, haha.
And yeah, that is a point. And although I hope I'd be able to excuse past mistakes if a person is truly repentant and has changed his ways, one's youth really says a lot about a person and I would like my past to align with my husband's past as much as possible. Ideally. ;)

And YES, I love the thing about not "waiting"!

How would I define a soul mate? Wow, now that is something I could write a completely different post about! ;) First of all, I'm actually not a huge fan of that term, haha, but I use it anyways just because it's hard to find a replacement. :P I prefer Emily Bronte's "Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same." Kindred souls, perhaps. :)

To start out with, he would have to be a definite kindred spirit. One of the race that knows Joseph. Once getting to know each other, you feel like old friends. You might not agree on everything, but you will agree on a lot and get super excited at how many of your thoughts are aligned. He would have to be someone who understood me on a level that no one else is capable of doing. (And of course, vice versa to all of this.) It would seem like you really have been designed for each other, and something about your togetherness would feel so ridiculously right and unlike any other relationship you've known. It would also include the ability to completely trust each other--for someone to be MY soul mate, that is. Honesty and constancy are extremely important to me, and unless someone feels the same way I don't think they would totally "get" me.

And the understanding I speak of does not need to be on every small issue... I speak of a deeper understanding. But understanding is something I seek above SO many things in any relationship; nothing frustrates me more than being misunderstood, so I think my soul mate would be able to at least understand where I am coming from and why I think the way I do, if I explain it thoroughly enough. Understanding doesn't always mean feeling exactly the same way. It's more of a true knowledge and acceptance of the other person.

And in a lot of ways, yes, I would expect him to be my other half. Not that both halves are exactly the same, but then, look around you. Hardly any half is exactly like the other half; it's just that they were designed to be put together. (But I do think that, as a single person, you are still complete, haha.)

Now THAT was a long comment.

Naomi Pitts said...

So I JUST saw you published this again! I loved this post (and yes, I'd love more like this. :-D) and I agree with you a LOT. Ugh yes, when girls see 'marriage' and 'being-a-mum' as their ONLY goal in life. That makes me sad rather than angry. I don't want to be WAITING for a guy. I want to live my life and then keep on living that life if God sends a guy along the road.

Exactly, the Bible seems to stress more than once that being single is a wonderful thing. #underestimated.

I'm really romantic, and I'd love to get married one day, but - like you said - I have loads of dreams and that's just one of them. (Although, it's a big dream. Marriage and Romance, when deeply and wonderfully in love is something I'd love to have one day. Yes, I hope I'll get married one day. No, I don't depend on it, and yes, I see myself dying a spinster. :-P) But other dreams include that I want to become a writer, start a book club, be a teacher and have my own house with a library. (Yes, big dreams.)

I learned that there are other things that seem to be "meant to be" than falling in love with someone. HERE'S AN AMEN TO THAT. :-)

I know what you mean to say - soooo many boys I know are kind of annoying. Especially those football-lovin' new-haircut kind of guys. You know what I mean? ;-) I do know some guys (normally at least three years older than me) who are respectable guys, and I know they're good ones out there. :-D (I'm not 'in love' with anyone, btw. They're all okay boys, but I would never choose the kind.)

But I do think Romance is a beautiful, beautiful thing. :-) I don't wish to underestimate that. There are so many marriages nowadays that end in divorce, separation, remarriage etc, so it's scary sometimes to consider marriage because so many marriages have a bad ending! (I agree that one should know one's boyfriend Really Well before tying the knot, of course.) But I believe that with God's hand shining behind two people deeply and sincerely in love marriage is a wonderful thing. I know many couples that are excellent teams and represent marriage in a wonderful way, I'd love to have that myself one day. But I won't go and sit and wait for it because that's just silly. :-P (Though I think I would consider it faster than you would, I believe.)

My love life isn't a love life either, really. When I was like five, I picked a five-year-old boy at kindergarten to marry with. (SO RIDICULOUS UGH. It doesn't count, obviously.) I have thought it would be nice to refuse some offers of dates but it's not happened so far. *snort* (I'm only 17, so none of this is even remotely stressing.) Like you, I wouldn't quickly go and call someone 'my boyfriend.' I would want to be 'just friends' with him for a while before romance even gets discussed.

ANYWAYYYYS. Long opinions .... aaaand long comment over.

~ Naomi

Naomi Pitts said...

And like Natalie said: The spinster life sounds glorious sometimes. I told my dad once that 'I want to be the rich, single aunt who gossips and makes matches'. :-P (While I rather see myself happily married than happily single, I can REALLY see myself happily single too. :-))

Katie Hanna said...

That's so true, Melody! The main thing is for us to be at peace with what God wants for us--whether it's marriage or the single life. And I think we both have that, you and I; which is wonderful. :-)

And yes, you're absolutely right--I certainly can't assume that the first person I have a relationship with is necessarily the one God wants me to marry! I think when I was younger I did (naively) assume that, but since I've matured some more and gotten to know a LOT more guys my age, I've come to realize what a very complicated process it is, finding someone with whom you're truly compatible ;-) Although I've been incredibly lucky in that I have gotten to know--and be friends with--quite a lot of really nice, really good guys through my four years at college. Which has given me a lot more insight into what I really want in a potential husband . . . And most of the guys I know (though often super-nice) have not been QUIIIIIIITE right. There are a few others with whom I'm like, "hmmmmmmmmmm . . . we shall see . . . we shall see . . ." So, yeah. Basically, I'm trying to take my time and look around carefully :-)

I've never been in an actual dating relationship, yet, but I'm not worried about that either, because, like, c'mon. I'M ONLY TWENTY-ONE. I have lots of time. Like you said in your post, I really don't feel like girls should start "worrying" at this age if they don't have somebody yet. You got time, ladies. Just chill.

Natalie said...

Sorry it took me so long to reply!
I love what you said about doing different things at different times of your life. It's so true! There really are "seasons" to life. :)

Your spinster cottage sounds ADORABLE! And very fun. :) Especially the period drama marathons!

Oh, I love that Bronte quote! Kindred souls-yes, definitely. I totally get what you're saying. :) I agree with your entire paragraph on what your true "kindred soul" should be like. I never put it into words before, but that's certainly what I hope for in a relationship as well. I like what you said about trust, too. There some people I would not feel comfortable sharing ALL of my thoughts and dreams with-and he must be one that I would (after some time) have absolutely no reservations talking to about anything. :)

Anyways, I love a lot of what you said your reply comment! Thanks so much! :D

Cat said...

I really love this post. (Just so you know, I popped over here because I stalk Miss Dashwood's blog, AND you are a fan of Jane Eyre which is a Beautiful Book.) I've thought a lot of the same things that you've posted, but I also am a romantic at heart. I couldn't see myself never getting married, but I have high standards when it comes to men/boys so i feel like it will be a long while before I get married (if I get married). Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm asking too much when I look around at people and how they live, like nobody could ever live up to what I ask, but I think the type of person I would even consider is rare these days. I don't need to lower my standards; I just need to wait. I'm not old at all, though, so that isn't a problem for me. I just couldn't see myself marrying somebody if there wasn't the deepest bond there. I'm an all or nothing sort of person, so marriage is a really huge idea to me, and of course I have dreams and what not, but it's not something I would enter into just to be married. Ugh.

Also, I have things I know I'm supposed to do with my life, and I can't let worrying about guys get in the way of that. Whatever happens, happens, but God knows what he's doing.

Anyway.... I like your post. I'm glad to know there are people other than myself who expect more, and I like your attitude concerning it all. I feel like I should be a bit more like that. :)

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