Paraphrase Challenge Voting: Round 2

Here is Part 3 of the "Lines of Literature Paraphrase Challenge"! If you have no idea what's going on, you can check out these posts:
The Challenge
The Entries & Round 1

The results of last week's polls...

And now, for the final poll--unless, of course, a tie-breaker will be required...

Speaking of which, there is a poll above that had a tie; I am simply putting both in the final poll.  

Here are the still-competing paraphrases...

1.
Original Quote:
"Emma Woodhouse, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings of existence; and had lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with very little to distress or vex her."
~Emma by Jane Austen
Satire:
"Emma Woodhouse, gorgeous, smart and loaded with cash, with a great house and a happy-go-lucky attitude, had basically everything anybody could want and had gotten through almost 21 years without having any reason for a temper tantrum."

 2.

Original Quote:

"A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment."

~Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Paraphrase:

“Ladies have big imaginations – they are sure that if you think a girl is cute, you love her; if you love her, you want to marry her. And all this imagining in only a second!” 

3. 

Original Quote:

"And, as Tiny Tim observed, 'God bless us, every one!'"
~A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
Interpretation: 

"So, to quote Tiny Tim, 'Let's all have a great and politically correct day, okay?'"

4. 

Original Quote:

"The said company being now relieved from further attendance, and the chief Barnacles being rather hurried (for they had it in hand just then to send a mail or two which was in danger of going straight to its destination, beating about the seas like the Flying Dutchman, and to arrange with complexity for the stoppage of a good deal of important business otherwise in peril of being done), went their several ways."

- Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens

Interpretation:

"Then the guests could go, and since the important Barnacles were in a rush (because they had to send the mail that was going to its address to somewhere else and stop business that was getting done) they left."

 5.
Original Quote:"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid." 

~Henry Tilney, Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
Paraphrase:
“Anyone who doesn’t love a good book is stupid.“ 

 6.

Original Quote: 

"You will think my question an odd one, I dare say," said Lucy to her one day, as they were walking together from the park to the cottage—"but pray, are you personally acquainted with your sister-in-law's mother, Mrs. Ferrars?"

- Lucy Steele, Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

Paraphrase:

 “Hey, completely random question here: you know your brother’s wife’s mother?”

 7.
Original Quote:

"Very true," said Henry, "and this is a very nice day, and we are taking a very nice walk, and you are two very nice young ladies." 

Satire:

"Yeah," he said “and this is a cool day, and this is a cool walk, and you are two cool chicks!"

8.

Original Quote:

"Reader, I married him."
~Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Paraphrase:

"Dude, we got hitched."

9.

Original:

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in

F. W."
"I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never."

- Captain Wentworth, Persuasion by Jane Austen

Paraphrase:

"I can't just sit here quietly any more! I have to talk to you the only way I can. My spirit is broken, half of me is depressed, the other half is in the clouds! Don't you dare tell me I spoke too late, that your love is erased forever.I'm proposing again! I belong to you now, more then I did years ago when you completely broke my heart.
  Don't you dare tell me that men forget sooner then women! Or that his love dies first! I've loved only you.  I might have been unfair, I was weak and held a grudge, but I never loved another.You're the reason I'm in Bath. You're the motivation when I think and plan my days. Haven't you noticed?
  I wouldn't have even stayed in town for these last ten days if I could read your heart, the way I believe you've read mine. I can barely write.This very second I hear you whisper something which overpowers me. You are quiet but I can hear your voice when others can't.
  You are too wonderful! You give us due credit. You do believe a man can really love and be attached faithfully! Believe that mine is very faithful to you!"
   F.W.
I have to leave now, but I'll come back, or follow you, ASAP. Just say yes or smile, and I'll talk to your dad soon. 

And to make it an even 10, I am adding one that got 6 votes (more than any others that didn't win a poll) from Poll 1.

 10.

Original Quote:

"I am very much astonished, Mr. Elton. This to me! you forget yourself—you take me for my friend—any message to Miss Smith I shall be happy to deliver; but no more of this to me, if you please."
~Emma by Jane Austen

Satire:

"Hello, Harriet cannot come to the phone right now. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message and Harriet will be with your shortly." 


The final poll will be on the sidebar (unlike last time), and will end one week from today.